Into the Mess: What It Looks Like When a Man Steps In (Part 2 of 2)
"Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox." — Proverbs 14:4 (ESV)
Yesterday, we discussed what it means that men are designed by God to enter chaos — to bring order, beauty, and life into the mess. Today, let's look at what that actually looks like in practice.
Jeff and Susan have been happily married for ten years, but one day, a seemingly innocent remark from Jeff irritates Susan, sparking a heated argument. Years of pent-up frustration and pain come to the surface. As tempers flare, Jeff says something he instantly regrets, causing Susan to storm off feeling even more hurt and angry.
Typically, Jeff would give Susan space to calm down, hoping the busyness of life would distract her from her anger and hurt. This had become their usual way of dealing with conflict, but it often left issues unresolved. The manger stayed clean — but no fruit was produced.
So, how might Jeff respond differently, more in alignment with God's design for him? How could he enter the chaos to produce order, beauty and life? To create an environment for his marriage to flourish. Let's take a look.
First, Jeff would sense his calling to become the man God designed him to be. He would realize that it's his responsibility to step into this relational chaos for the sake of his wife — to create a nurturing environment where their relationship can grow. Jeff would understand that he needs to enter the chaos.
Second, Jeff would realize that establishing order in their conversation is crucial. His main duty as a husband is to understand his wife's heart. So he would engage her in a conversation where he intentionally seeks to understand her feelings — structuring the discussion so that she feels heard, valued, and understood. Jeff would set aside his own feelings to make sure his wife feels cherished and acknowledged.
Third, his ultimate goal is to restore a heartfelt connection with his wife — one that is deep and rooted in understanding and grace, rather than superficial niceties. This kind of sacrificial love creates the beauty and life we discussed yesterday — a thriving relationship where both feel known, valued, and loved. Jeff would rekindle beauty and life in his marriage.
That is the essence of what it means to be a man as created by God.
Big Idea
Entering chaos isn't about fixing — it's about understanding. When a man leads with empathy and sacrificial love, he fosters an environment where relationships thrive.
Questions to Ponder
How can you encourage your husband to embrace his God-given design more fully? Are there actions on your part that discourage him from engaging with the messiness? If you're unsure, consider discussing this with your husband.
Application
Identify one relationship where you've been keeping the manger clean — avoiding the mess to maintain peace. This week, take a step into it. Lead with understanding. Ask one question you've been afraid to ask. Trust that God's design for you is good, even when it's uncomfortable.
Before the Lord — a daily devotional by Blake S. Crawford. Read more and subscribe free at blakescrawford.com/before-the-lord.