A Fitting Helper: Your Part in the Men You Love
“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” — Genesis 2:18 (ESV)
A quick word first: this is the companion to my devotional on masculinity. While it touches on an important aspect of godly femininity, it is not a full portrait of womanhood. Today we're simply looking at one part of it — how you come alongside and help the men God has placed in your life.
A man is made to move into the hard, chaotic places of life — strained relationships, crises, tension at home — and to bring order, beauty, and life out of them. That's his design. But he doesn't do it alone; he was never meant to. When God made the woman, He called her a “helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18) — and don't let that word feel small. The Hebrew word ezer is the very word Scripture uses of God Himself when He comes to rescue His people. A helper isn't a lesser partner; she's a strong ally, placed alongside to strengthen the good God is doing in a man.
So here's a first, powerful part of your calling: notice and name the good. When the man in your life steps in with steady strength — has the hard conversation instead of avoiding it, stays calm as everything unravels, and shows up for those who need him — tell him. Say it out loud. Encouragement tends to call forth more of what it names, and men grow toward the strength someone believes they already have.
But what about when he doesn't? When he withdraws — goes silent, checks out — or swings the other way and tries to control the chaos with anger? This is tender ground, so hear this clearly: his response is his own before God. It is not your job to fix him, manage him, or carry the weight of his choices. What is yours is to pray for him honestly, to speak the truth in love when it's yours to say, and to keep pointing him to the Lord — the only One who can truly change his heart.
There's an honest look inward here, too. Sometimes, without meaning to, we make it easier for a man to remain passive when he should move — quietly taking over the hard things so he never has to step up, or rushing in to smooth every conflict so he never has to sit with it and learn. Ask the Lord to show you whether that's ever true of you — not to shame you (his passivity is not your fault), but because stepping back can be its own kind of love. And where it is true, trust the Lord to move in his heart as you make room for him to grow into the strength God designed.
And then the hardest part of all: waiting. Learning to bring this to the Lord and wait on Him — keeping your own heart soft and dependent, even when you see no change — can be one of the toughest things you face as a helper. But His timeline is always best.
You were made to be a strong ally at his side — not to fix him, not to give him shortcuts or excuses — but to keep pointing him, and yourself, to the God who moves into the chaos with us and makes all things new.
Big Idea
God made you a strong helper — an ezer — to strengthen the men in your life for what they were made to do: move into the chaos and bring order, beauty, and life. Not by fixing or controlling them, not by taking over and enabling, but by encouraging the good, praying them toward the Lord, and trusting Him with what only He can change.
Questions to Ponder
Where have you seen the man in your life (a husband, a son, a friend) step in with steady, life-giving strength — and have you told him? If not, why not? Can you imagine the impact your encouragement could have? On the other hand, when he withdraws or tries to silence the chaos with anger, what stirs in your heart — fear, pressure, disappointment? And based on that, what's your typical reaction? Do you try to fix things? Do you get anxious, or critical, or angry? Or do you pray for him, speak the truth in love, and keep pointing him to the Lord? Lastly, do you guard your own heart from carrying the weight of his choices — trusting that his growth is God's work in him, not a burden that falls on you?
Application
With your journal in hand, begin by naming the men God has placed alongside you — a husband, a son, a brother, a friend — the ones He may want to work through you to help them live out their design: bringing order, beauty, and life. For each, ask the Lord for honest eyes: list where he is already strong, and where he struggles to bring order, beauty, or life. Then bring two questions to the Lord about your own role. First, is there any way you unintentionally make it easier for him to stay passive — quietly taking over the hard things so he never has to step up? (His response is his own before God; this is simply honest self-examination.) Second, how might God want to use you to encourage him toward the better way — a word of affirmation, a faithful prayer, or a gentle nudge at the right moment? Finally, commit to your part, and only your part. You can't change him — that's God's work — and yours is to love, pray, encourage, and then wait on the Lord without taking over or trying to control the outcome. Do your part, and trust Him with the rest.
Before the Lord — a daily devotional by Blake S. Crawford. Read more and subscribe free at blakescrawford.com/before-the-lord.